It's been so long since I've posted here, I don't even know where to begin. I've been through so much this year, there's definitely been plenty to write about...but somehow it feels like complaining. My intention was never for this blog to become a pity party, more to just express myself and sometimes, to just ramble. So, I've stayed away because I had nothing 'happy' to say. I'm realizing that I need this outlet, I need to stop internalizing the pain and let it go. Who cares what people think, if it helps me? Not that I don't value your opinions...I do. But honestly, the few people who actually may read this would understand anyway.
That's all for now...I will be posting soon. Just letting my fingers get in a bit of practice. Peace.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Has social media killed your social life?
We all love social media, myself included. Twitter, facebook, tumblr, skype, oovoo, liveprofile, etc etc. We behave as if we couldn't live without technology...text, email, BBM, IM. Yes, it saves time, but the result is that people don't actually TALK anymore. When you hear someone's voice, you also hear tone and inflection. Very important factors in determining emotion, intent, and honesty. Especially when a face-to-face conversation is not possible. You also may only be getting the person's 'representative', because it's easy to hind behind a computer or cell phone screen. Words are just that...words...nothing can replace personal interaction. We think we really KNOW people from twitter or facebook! People we have never met, or spoken to over the phone. Our generation is losing out and in danger of becoming unable to deal with people on a direct, intimate level. Young adults think nothing of texting while in the middle of a conversation, or even while working directly with a customer. I was raised that it's disrespectful not to give the person in front of you your full attention, and that if you need to take a call, check a text, email or whatever, you should excuse yourself. I am guilty of this from time to time as well, I can't even lie.What I also know is that I have been involved with men who REFUSED to talk on the phone, "I hate the phone" "texting is easier" "bbm is faster" BLAH BLAH BLAH. Perfect example...he travelled a lot for work, but didn't like to talk on the phone. Well sir, if I haven't seen you for two weeks, I need to hear your voice. A text just doesn't cut it. I love to text, I really do...it's quick, easy, and allows you to multitask better. But beware the person who NEVER calls...he/she is hiding something, intentionally or not. Or he/she lacks important communications skills. Either way, it's a red flag which causes me to throw in the towel.
Be well, friends. Hope to talk to you soon ;)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Help me to understand...
I need help trying to make sense of something....what could possibly drive a mother to cause the death of her child? In the past few years, I have seen an increasing number of news stories about this- mother drives her car, with her kids in it, into a river or lake, killing all...mother poisons her children then herself... But I have also seen fathers who have killed their entire family, wife and kids, then sometimes herself. My mind just can not wrap itself around this. I suppose it upsets me more when it's the mother, as opposed to the father...simply because she carried that child within her for nine months, and went through childbirth to give it life. Seems like that bond would be stronger. (I'm in no way discounting a father's bond)
Honestly, I'm always surprised and hurt to hear of any abuse towards children...whether it be physical or emotional... but MURDER? Although the fact that I am still capable of being surprised is somewhat extraordinary, considering the abuse I was dealt as a child and teenager. But.......MURDER? And suicide? What could possibly be more selfish and cowardly? As a parent, if you want to die, fine, you're selfish as hell...but don't kill your child(ren) as well. Why should an innocent child lose his or her life because you are too cowardly to overcome whatever obstacles have been thrown your way? Life can be hard as hell, and sometimes it seems like too much to bear, I understand that. But when you make the decision to bring a life into the world, you take on responsibility for that life. Forever, and beyond. If you can't handle it, find someone else who can. There are so many people unable to have children, who would jump through hoops for the opportunity to love and care for a child...why deny your child a chance to live and become the amazing person they were born to be? Simply because you are selfish enough to believe that the life God gave you is worth nothing, and that you have the right to throw it away?!? Selfish enough to believe that only your feelings matter? What about the people left behind...children, parents, family and friends....everyone is important in someone's life, whether they realize it or not. Suicide is an act of cowardice and pride...too scared to live and to proud to ask for help.
I am unafraid to ask for help; at this point in my life I have learned that it doesn't make me weak, it shows my inner strength and faith...in myself, my God, and in those I choose to include in my life. So...help me to understand this, my friends...
LOVE.
Honestly, I'm always surprised and hurt to hear of any abuse towards children...whether it be physical or emotional... but MURDER? Although the fact that I am still capable of being surprised is somewhat extraordinary, considering the abuse I was dealt as a child and teenager. But.......MURDER? And suicide? What could possibly be more selfish and cowardly? As a parent, if you want to die, fine, you're selfish as hell...but don't kill your child(ren) as well. Why should an innocent child lose his or her life because you are too cowardly to overcome whatever obstacles have been thrown your way? Life can be hard as hell, and sometimes it seems like too much to bear, I understand that. But when you make the decision to bring a life into the world, you take on responsibility for that life. Forever, and beyond. If you can't handle it, find someone else who can. There are so many people unable to have children, who would jump through hoops for the opportunity to love and care for a child...why deny your child a chance to live and become the amazing person they were born to be? Simply because you are selfish enough to believe that the life God gave you is worth nothing, and that you have the right to throw it away?!? Selfish enough to believe that only your feelings matter? What about the people left behind...children, parents, family and friends....everyone is important in someone's life, whether they realize it or not. Suicide is an act of cowardice and pride...too scared to live and to proud to ask for help.
I am unafraid to ask for help; at this point in my life I have learned that it doesn't make me weak, it shows my inner strength and faith...in myself, my God, and in those I choose to include in my life. So...help me to understand this, my friends...
LOVE.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Strong
All my life people have been telling me how strong I am. Friends, lovers, ex-lovers, relatives, etc. usually it is around the time said person is breaking my heart, hurting me, betraying me, cheating on me, not being there for me or supporting me, or any other type of thing that precludes me having a reason to 'be strong'.
Yes, I am a strong woman. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I can, have and will survive whatever life throws at me. Does this mean I can never let go and be weak? That I can never lean on someone else for a bit? Do I really have to always suck it up and keep it moving? And please tell me WHY this seems to be an excuse for people to hurt me? "Vicki, you're a strong woman, you can handle it." Those words are like a death sentence...and I am so very tired of hearing them. No, I do not want to be a weak, spineless mess who can't take care of herself. But is there no middle ground? Where is the man who can be my strength when I am failing, who will always be there no matter what, to celebrate the ups and share the downs of life? Dear God, I take so much of my strength from you, and without you I know I am nothing. I know that you have someone special for me...can you please send him to me soon, as I don't know how much longer this woman can be this strong alone on this earth. Love.
Yes, I am a strong woman. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I can, have and will survive whatever life throws at me. Does this mean I can never let go and be weak? That I can never lean on someone else for a bit? Do I really have to always suck it up and keep it moving? And please tell me WHY this seems to be an excuse for people to hurt me? "Vicki, you're a strong woman, you can handle it." Those words are like a death sentence...and I am so very tired of hearing them. No, I do not want to be a weak, spineless mess who can't take care of herself. But is there no middle ground? Where is the man who can be my strength when I am failing, who will always be there no matter what, to celebrate the ups and share the downs of life? Dear God, I take so much of my strength from you, and without you I know I am nothing. I know that you have someone special for me...can you please send him to me soon, as I don't know how much longer this woman can be this strong alone on this earth. Love.
See you...
I believe people come into your life for a reason. You can't always determine that reason at the first meeting. Sometimes it is crystal clear...sometimes it may take weeks, months, or even years. Other times you may not understand until the person is gone from your life. Yet still others it's a case of right person, wrong time...which seems to be the story of my life.
In the words of the amazing Ms. Erykah Badu...I guess I'll see you next lifetime...
In the words of the amazing Ms. Erykah Badu...I guess I'll see you next lifetime...
Monday, October 11, 2010
Dating in the A
Is it just me....or is dating in Atlanta a little more difficult and frustrating than elsewhere? I don't know if it's the ratio of available, straight men to women, or if it's the "Hollywood" mentality, or simply just that Atlanta is a single person's city...all I know is it's damn hard!
The men here just seem to feel that it's okay to behave badly, because we don't have a lot of options. It seems they think it's acceptable to miss dates or phone calls, or disappear for days at a time, and then just say "I was busy" with no apology required. And we should be grateful they've called us at all! Please understand that I am not man-bashing...I definitely don't believe all men are dogs, etc etc. I realize that many women have enabled this type of behavior, by accepting bullshit on the premise that they must in order to keep a man in this market. Believing that if a man is relatively attractive and employed, they should be thankful to have him, and consequently shut the hell up. Ummmmm....NO. Guess what? I myself am relatively attractive and employed....among other more important qualities that should make a man feel lucky to have me in their life. I don't feel that I ask a lot, just basic courtesy and respect...keep your word, do what you say you will do (when you say you will do it), keep the lines of communication open and consistent, spend quality time, and above all- mutual respect. Am I asking too much? And is expressing my feelings and trying to discuss an issue really so very wrong? Sigh...I'm confused. What do YOU think? Feedback would be much appreciated!
The men here just seem to feel that it's okay to behave badly, because we don't have a lot of options. It seems they think it's acceptable to miss dates or phone calls, or disappear for days at a time, and then just say "I was busy" with no apology required. And we should be grateful they've called us at all! Please understand that I am not man-bashing...I definitely don't believe all men are dogs, etc etc. I realize that many women have enabled this type of behavior, by accepting bullshit on the premise that they must in order to keep a man in this market. Believing that if a man is relatively attractive and employed, they should be thankful to have him, and consequently shut the hell up. Ummmmm....NO. Guess what? I myself am relatively attractive and employed....among other more important qualities that should make a man feel lucky to have me in their life. I don't feel that I ask a lot, just basic courtesy and respect...keep your word, do what you say you will do (when you say you will do it), keep the lines of communication open and consistent, spend quality time, and above all- mutual respect. Am I asking too much? And is expressing my feelings and trying to discuss an issue really so very wrong? Sigh...I'm confused. What do YOU think? Feedback would be much appreciated!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Happy?
I feel happy.
I do. For no real reason that I can pinpoint. Just life. Why do I feel like there should be a reason? That in order to be really happy (not just content), something specific has to happen to make it so? Am I really so used to NOT being happy, that it's inconceivable to me?
Yet I am. Sure, ok, I can think of a few reasons why...but nothing major. I've been getting out more, spending time with friends, making new friends, dating, I'm recovering from this injury and my body is getting stronger. I watched a dear friend marry the love of his life, and celebrated the event with people I love and consider family. But, I've also been working hard, long days, I'm not where I'd like to be in my career, I'm in pain quite often and this physical therapy is really hard. I've been hurt recently by a close friend who really took advantage of my kindness, and had to let that person go from my life. I could continue with a list of complaints...but at the end of the day, why bother? I guess I've just reached a point where I'm willing to accept life as it comes. I'm willing to let go of the bad moments, and hold on to the great ones. I'm willing to take each small victory as a step toward the big win. I'm willing to accept people as they are...and either celebrate what they bring to my life, or banish the ones who bring me nothing but pain or drama. I accept ME, as I am, for who I am, and for who I'm still becoming.
Maybe that's the real key to happiness...the ability and the willingness to let go and ALLOW yourself to be happy...to allow yourself to just BE. There is power inside you to achieve anything, if you only let yourself do it. Love.
I do. For no real reason that I can pinpoint. Just life. Why do I feel like there should be a reason? That in order to be really happy (not just content), something specific has to happen to make it so? Am I really so used to NOT being happy, that it's inconceivable to me?
Yet I am. Sure, ok, I can think of a few reasons why...but nothing major. I've been getting out more, spending time with friends, making new friends, dating, I'm recovering from this injury and my body is getting stronger. I watched a dear friend marry the love of his life, and celebrated the event with people I love and consider family. But, I've also been working hard, long days, I'm not where I'd like to be in my career, I'm in pain quite often and this physical therapy is really hard. I've been hurt recently by a close friend who really took advantage of my kindness, and had to let that person go from my life. I could continue with a list of complaints...but at the end of the day, why bother? I guess I've just reached a point where I'm willing to accept life as it comes. I'm willing to let go of the bad moments, and hold on to the great ones. I'm willing to take each small victory as a step toward the big win. I'm willing to accept people as they are...and either celebrate what they bring to my life, or banish the ones who bring me nothing but pain or drama. I accept ME, as I am, for who I am, and for who I'm still becoming.
Maybe that's the real key to happiness...the ability and the willingness to let go and ALLOW yourself to be happy...to allow yourself to just BE. There is power inside you to achieve anything, if you only let yourself do it. Love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)