Is it just me....or is dating in Atlanta a little more difficult and frustrating than elsewhere? I don't know if it's the ratio of available, straight men to women, or if it's the "Hollywood" mentality, or simply just that Atlanta is a single person's city...all I know is it's damn hard!
The men here just seem to feel that it's okay to behave badly, because we don't have a lot of options. It seems they think it's acceptable to miss dates or phone calls, or disappear for days at a time, and then just say "I was busy" with no apology required. And we should be grateful they've called us at all! Please understand that I am not man-bashing...I definitely don't believe all men are dogs, etc etc. I realize that many women have enabled this type of behavior, by accepting bullshit on the premise that they must in order to keep a man in this market. Believing that if a man is relatively attractive and employed, they should be thankful to have him, and consequently shut the hell up. Ummmmm....NO. Guess what? I myself am relatively attractive and employed....among other more important qualities that should make a man feel lucky to have me in their life. I don't feel that I ask a lot, just basic courtesy and respect...keep your word, do what you say you will do (when you say you will do it), keep the lines of communication open and consistent, spend quality time, and above all- mutual respect. Am I asking too much? And is expressing my feelings and trying to discuss an issue really so very wrong? Sigh...I'm confused. What do YOU think? Feedback would be much appreciated!
No reason to be confused. You're not asking for anything that shouldn't be expected from a normal functioning relationship. I don't think "too busy"should be used in a situation that you want to go somewhere.
ReplyDeleteRelationships are built out of work, understanding and compromise. The minute you feel the other person isn't putting in the same amount of work you are it's probably time to talk about it and if talking doesn't work it's time to wrap things up. It might be old fashioned but i think women should still be chased to a certain extent. In the digital age we live in it's as simple as a phone call or a text message of "hey just seeing how you're doing"
I used to date someone that didn't know how to react to the fact that i actually called and tried to spend time with her because she was so used to being ignored for days at a time. Kinda weird.
Since I don't personally know your dating history i'll just say this, if you have a "type" of guy or come across someone that you can compare to someone else you've dated avoid them, one of the most interesting relationships i've had was dating a woman different than my normal type, i didn't fit her mold which was new for her and kept things interesting and she was just a challenge to figure out for me which kept me interested, relationship are boring when you have someone completely figured out from the start
Ummm...ok I think you missed my point but I do appreciate the comment and that you took the time to read. That being said, you're correct (whoever you are), you don't know my history. This was a general question, and does not necessarily reflect only myself, rather a combination of my experiences and those of other women I know. Clearly I stated that I do NOT accept this type of behavior, and I was NOT looking for relationship advice. I asked a question about dating SPECIFICALLY in Atlanta. But anyway...
ReplyDeleteVixen it’s not just you. Dating in Atlanta isn’t all that. I have a lot of female friends and have heard their stories. Having said that, this may shock a lot of folks (women especially) but despite the alleged ratio of women to men in this town, the atmosphere in Atlanta is really not that great for a man either. More so the man that is looking for a healthy and loving relationship.
ReplyDeleteI’ve observed some of the “Men Behaving Badly” actions you speak of but from a different angle. I’m not from Atlanta originally (NY man to the core) but I can’t remember ever being on a date with a woman in NY and some random guy try to hit on her. That sort of thing would end with an ass kicking (at the very least) because that is a huge sign of disrespect. One time I asked a friend from Atlanta why the guys here did that, he smiled and said “It’s the challenge”. I see it as a challenge to not get your brains beaten in, but I digress.
Some may think I’m betraying some man code for what I’m going to say. If you are a man and want to be a hoe, this is the city for you. But a lot of the fault for that is because of the actions of a lot of the women here. While many would prefer to be a girlfriend or potential “wifey”, many put themselves in the position to be that occasional FB. Whether this is from some loneliness or some sense that “this is what you have to do to get a man,” some women shoot themselves in the foot by giving it up way too soon and too easily. For some guys, they don’t even have to take a woman out to dinner, lunch, the movies, nor a cup of coffee. Just invite her over to your place and she might initiate the sex way before you do. It doesn’t justify it but it does explain a lot of it. Now there are some men that are born hoes but what are you gonna do? Just charge them to the game and keep it moving.
Now I’ll put my two cents in for the good men who live here who want to have that great relationship. Atlanta REALLY doesn’t have many great choices for getting a good lady as most might think. Let’s say for the sake of argument that the ratio of single women to single men is 8 to 1. As I don’t have any children, I’d like to have a woman who doesn’t have any kids. That eliminates about 60% of those women I come across right off the bat. Most were never married which makes one think they may have been a bit irresponsible at one time and may be again.
Some say there are a large number of women in Atlanta who are well-educated, have great careers, and look like super models. Haven’t come across many of these women myself but let’s go with that for a moment. Are these women charming, respectful and trusting? Do they really believe that there are good men out there or have they resorted to the “men ain’t sh*t”, “they can’t handle a strong woman”, “they can’t be faithful”, “they’re on the down low”, “they have bad” credit”, etc? Do they have a laundry list of qualifications a man has to have before even considering asking her out? While I accept that there are men with major shortcomings, no decent man is willing to suffer being crucified because of the actions of other men. Nor is he willing to subject himself to appealing to an insane check list when the woman might not have anything close to those qualities herself. It comes off as a bit arrogant and it’s a turn off.
I know for a fact that there are some amazing women out there. They are warm, caring, smart, sexy, trusting, fun-loving and confident. They are more like the Claire Huxtable rather than Omarosa. I hold myself to a certain standard, so why shouldn’t I have a woman who will be my best friend for life who does the same? I’m willing to wait for her to be in my life rather than settle for less.
*Drops the mic*